My sister is in Arizona this week so while she's gone I volunteered to go stay with my Grandma Marshall. She needs a little help around the house -- cooking, laundry, taking the trash out, that sort of thing -- so I'll be hanging out at her house all week. I'm taking my laptop, Charlotte's Web, and some piano sheet music along so I have no doubt it'll be a good time. Plus, Grandma thinks I'm hilarious, so it's extra fun to tell her stories and get her laughing so hard she nearly cries.
My mom has given me one task to focus on while I'm there: fatten Grandma up. Apparently she's weighing in at a svelte 96-pounds and her doctor would prefer that she hits at least 100. Four pounds in seven days? Piece of cake. Meanwhile I'm about ten pounds away from fitting into my awesome skinny jeans again, so I'm praying that spending a week encouraging Grandma to eat ice cream after every meal ("Come on! It's got calcium in it! That means it's good for you!") won't derail my progress.
The best part about staying at Grandma's house (apart from the awesome stories, old photos and detailed descriptions of FABULOUS vintage outfits) is that she keeps the thermostat set at roughly eighty degrees, which might sound miserable to some people but I love it. I start wearing sweatpants, two tank tops, a hoodie and two pairs of socks around the house in mid-October, when the thermostat is set to 70, so I'm looking forward to a spending a week with someone else who says "Is it chilly in here?" then bumps the thermostat up a few notches and still pulls on a sweater over her nightgown.
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4 comments:
enjoy time with your grandmother....there's no one in the world who can make you feel more loved and cherished, is there?
Exmi,
You obviously never met my grandmother...the one who adorned her head with a diaper tied in a knot at the back. But when she "went to town," she'd turn the knot to the front because it was dressier.
...the one who wore nothing except the diaper head gear and a dress and would stand over a bucket on the back porch and pee.
...the one who sat on the couch and pulled out her breast and said, "Want some titty?" whenever one of the grandkids walked in the room.
...the one who, when someone yelled "Mommy," would raise her dress to show her granny goodies and say, "Here's your mommy."
Me? I prefer a puppy to make me feel loved and cherished.
P.S. I wish I were making this up.
Greg- When I wrote this post a tiny part of me hoped it would stir up some memories of your grandmother. It always amused me to hear stories about her craziness.
The "want some titty" thing is sooooo weird. I don't suppose your Grandpa had any similar catch phrases?
Good lord, I hope not. He died in 1953. If I hear anything from him, I'm calling it quits.
My other grandpa was just mean. His favorite grandkid was my older brother, and he never tried to hide it. When I was very young, I had to stay at his house for a week at a time, and I have memories of his yelling at me and calling me names, and always having to watch Gunsmoke and Hee Haw on his tiny black-and-white tv. I do remember Mamaw (not the titty grandma) being nice to me and giving me cornbread and milk (I loved her cornbread) and yelling at "Keiser" (as she called him when she was mad at him - no idea what it means - maybe she meant "geiser") to stop calling me names. That just made him madder, but I was okay with it, 'cause I was her favorite.
See, life's not all bad...unless your family's from Eastern Kentucky.
I need a drink now.
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