Give Up The Ghost

Attention Teenagers:

You are too old to be trick-or-treating. Seriously. If you can twirl your car keys with the same hand that's holding your goodie bag it's time to give your mom a break and hand out the candy this year. Also? You are not fooling anyone by wearing your high school football jersey as a costume. Ladies, wearing fishnets with your hoodie does not a costume make. You are not being cute or ironic. You are being lazy. Just go to the store and buy yourself some candy. You've got a job, right? You can afford it.

Here's what I've decided; if you're two years away from college and you're still trick-or-treating then your punishment is to sit at the kid's table this Thanksgiving. You have to participate in in-depth conversations with your little cousins about Sponge Bob, the Wiggles, and Hannah Montana. Don't worry, I'm sure your mommy will come over and cut your meat for you, since you're too little to be trusted with the sharp grown-up knife.

Ask yourself this question: Is two hours worth of looted candy worth five hours of listening to your cousin tell you a story about the one time? When he went to the park? There was a man there? And the man had a dog? And guess what? The dog's name was Charlie? And he had a red collar? And fluffy fur? And he liked to chase after a ball? And, ohmygod, you see where I'm going with this right?