Writing This Post Before Bed? Not Wise.

I don't do well with scary movies, for a variety of reasons. I don't like a lot of gore or weak plotlines, and the dialogue is usually enough to send me over the edge and into a full-blown "who talks like that?!" tizzy. Scary movies and horror films make me jumpy. Usually I spend the whole time with my hands over my eyes, watching through my fingers and then shoving my fingers together during the scary parts. Often times if something catches me off guard I yelp like a dog whose tail has just been stepped on. Then I giggle like a moron or shout things at the characters. It usually goes something like "Don't do it! Dude, don't open that door! Don't... *yelp* Hahahaha oh man!" Rinse. Repeat.

Katie and Hunter got to experience the Miranda + Scary Movie phenomenon last night when we watched "The Decent" a delightfully horrid little film about six women who go spelunking down a cave system that, unbeknownst to them, is inhabited by dozens of human/bat/zombie creatures* that take great pleasure in hunting and feasting on the tan, moisturized flesh of female spelunkers. I spent the whole movie yelping and giggling and begging the characters to please, for the love of God, just find a way out of the damn cave already! When the movie was over I made Hunter turn on all the lights and go into the bathroom to make sure there weren't any Spelunking Zombies hanging out on the ceiling or behind the shower curtain.

My antics proved highly entertaining, so much so that Katie and Hunter talked me into seeing "28 Weeks Later" this afternoon after lunch. This time instead of the Spelunking Zombies I got two hours of Rage Virus Zombies who vomit blood, beat their heads against any available surface and use their teeth to rip apart their victims, who are then infected with the Rage Virus and join in the big, scary, very fast running Rage Virus Zombie army. This time instead of being in dark and narrow caverns like the Spelunking Zombies, these zombies were running all over London in many of the places I used to hang out while I was there. Also, there was a whole scene filmed in night vision. FUN! Nothing like a little Rage Virus Zombie Night Vision to make me want to scream and promptly pee my pants.

Now I'm stuck in that post-scary movie 48-hour period of paranoia, where I can't shake the feeling there might be something behind me, lurking in the shadows, waiting for the right moment to feast on my flesh. Fucking zombies. Add them to the list of irrational fears, right after possums.


*The fact both the Spelunking Zombies and Rage Virus Zombies make the same noise as the Raptors in "Jurassic Park" didn't help anything. Did you know that I cried the first time I saw "Jurassic Park" in the theatre? It made me THAT jumpy. And no, I'm not especially proud of that.