Miranda Takes on BMW-Driving Collar Popper

The other day I was walking past one of the apartment buildings on Ludlow, on my way to get some dinner, when this beat up BMW came tearing into a driveway and almost hit me. As in "slammed on the brakes and stopped inches away from my leg" almost hit me. So I did what any normal person would do, and that was to throw my hands up in the international symbol of, "what the fuck?!" and kept walking. Well BMW Boy pulled into a spot, jumped out of his car and started yelling at me.

Dear BMW-Driving Collar Popper,
That was not a wise move.


So he was yelling all sorts of stuff, mostly along the lines of "Hey Bitch, watch where you're fucking going!" I turned around, with the intent to flip him off and keep walking, but stopped when I saw he was wearing a hat bearing the Greek letters of a certain fraternity. A certain fraternity I loathe. A certain fraternity I've personally witnessed teasing and tormenting the nice homeless dude who lives on the sidewalk by the Indian place on Calhoun Street. Given this new information I decided to yell back.

"Excuse me? Why don't you learn how to fucking drive?"
"Whaddyou say to me?"
"I said: Learn. How. To. Fucking. Drive."
"Hey, fuck you. You're the one who almost scratched my car. My B.M.W."

Oh helllllllll no!

"Your BMW? Like, wow, I'm like, so impressed! But ya know, I doubt you'll be too concerned about your precious BMW if you get convicted of vehicular homicide and have to spend the next ten years in jail..."

[brief pause wherein I contemplated whether or not to say what I really wanted to say and ultimately decided, fuck it, why not?]

"Oh wait, you're in Sig Ep, right? So I guess you're used to getting ass raped. Never mind, you'll be fine."

I think he was stunned because about thirty seconds later I heard him yell "hey...fuck you" as I was walking away.