Aren't You Glad I'm Not YOUR Editor?

I try to be nice, and polite, and a decent person. Most of the time. Okay, sometimes. But not in 600-level fiction writing workshops, and certainly not when the story we're critiquing that week is HORRIBLE. If you dare to waste my time by turning in a crappy story, you're gonna get my wrath, especially when the professor supervising the workshop is Brock "King of the F-bomb" Clarke. Here's a copy of the critique I wrote for this week. Read it and rejoice in the knowledge that you're not in a writing workshop with me. If you're reading this and happen to be in a writing workshop with me, well, CONSIDER THIS A WARNING OF WHAT YOU'LL GET IF YOU TURN IN A CRAPPY STORY!


luv, Randa



Miranda Marshall
Advanced Creative Writing: Fiction 612
Professor Brock Clarke
January 24, 2005

Dear [Author's name removed],

This is the point in my written critique where I usually spend a few lines praising the high points of a story, what the author has done exceptionally well, my favorite parts, etc. That being said, the following section of empty, white space should speak for itself.




Okay, moving on…

I’m not exactly sure what you were trying to do with the whole lack of indentation/ no dialogue/ free verse thing, but it’s not working. The way you’ve decided to format the “story” makes it look like a poem, which is a huge no-no in fiction writing. I have a feeling you’ll try to argue that the structure makes sense in your head, but that doesn’t really matter because it doesn’t come close to making sense on paper.

There are some basic story elements missing from this piece – things like characterization, setting, dialogue, physical descriptions, and most of the other writing techniques that tend to make fiction interesting. After I was finished with your story I was really confused. Actually, to be honest, while I was reading your story I was really confused. I’ve seen cave paintings with better plot development and characterization. You’ve written a story (and I hesitate to call it that) bogged down in abstract ideas, tangents, and nondescript images. Seriously, at least let us know if the narrator is a man or a woman. We’ve got no idea who the narrator is, what s/he looks like, how old s/he is, etc. You can’t expect your reader to invest in a character’s actions when you haven’t even taken the time to give him/her anything close to a personality.

Here’s how I would summarize your story: random unidentified person is outside at night, sees fishermen, contemplates nature, examines bug, thinks about nature, makes a dog bark, thinks about nature some more, puts ear to ground, discovers nature, the end. Yep, that’s a page-turner. Sarcasm aside, I wish I could say I loved this character, or hated this character, because that would mean this story was actually making me feel something. As it stands now I don’t care. I don’t care about who’s talking, what they’re saying or seeing or feeling because all I can think about is how happy I’ll be when I get to the last page so I can be done with this whole thing.

My advice for story revision is to stop trying to disguise bad poetry as fiction. It’s insulting to your reader, poets, and real fiction writers. Stop trying so hard. Attempting to make an ordinary object extremely profound only works if your readers are stoned. Find a story to tell, something with a beginning, middle and end. Toss in the occasional descriptive phrase. Include characters; name them. Hell, you can even indent from time to time if you feel it’s appropriate.